Well at least I tried

Seems it goes in cycles that stuff blows up on me. Now I can say screw it all and I really want to find a place other than where I am at. It is about Damn time I get the flip out of the Trailer Park and go on with my life. I will still wander about my step daughter and grand son and go from there. I was caught in the middle anyway and now I will not take the blame for what happened at all since I got hooked up with her Biological Father acouple of years later and married him. I know that my step daughter will have the regreats later on in life and now I am totally out of it and wanted to touch base with her is all. As some folks told me that it is my stepdaughters problem of not wanting to know a great person out of it. I am the type of person that will do anything for a person untill I am burnt. And I have been burnt out of the situation for extending my hand. Now I know why I went totally to the Cold Hearted Bitch side of things in life. At least I have a good network of family and friends who love me for me. Well at least I diden't tell my Husband everything except that the door was still open to his daughter and I extended my hand out to her. I will not say what my Step Daughter told me at all. Except that I did tell her she better grow a set of balls to tell her father what she told me. I refuse to say anything about it since I did give her his cell phone number so the ball is still in her court on alot of things. I am just lucky that I came to my sinces early in life and forgave what went on in my life. Well at least I know what happened with me and the line of shit that was fed to me when I was young. Maybe that is the reason that I am pissed off about the whole mess. Oh well my life goes on and I will recover a better person becuase of it all. Now to think of me and screw the rest of some folks that are out there.

I sent another

I sent another E-mail to my step daughter today. From now on I will be bowing out if she wants to get ahold of her father and wants to see him. I made my mistakes out of life and refuse to let her do the same thing that I did out of life. Granted my family diden't help my situation out at all and now I am trying to repair the damage even almost 30 years latter in my life. It took my Husband for me to wake up and see the light with his Ex. Now I am realizeing what my Step Momma went thru with me and she was stuck just like I was and in the middle of everything untill I became of age. I missed out on alot becuase of all of my family and I will be damned if I will let it happen to anyone else that I have welcomed into my life and the poor girl was stuck in the middle of a battle. Now I have became Pissed off once again and Sorry Dad's out rule in my book still. My step daughters Mother really reminds me of my oldest sister all togeather in some ways a total CUNT in a half in my book. Even though I was always treated like total shit as a child becuase girls ment squat on both sides of the family. I have delt with that for over 34 years when I started realizeing what was going on especilly on my Fathers side of the family. This is why I have kept my maden name with my married name. I am a Viviano thru and thru to some point and the Mc Ewin part kicks in eather way. Ask the 2 5ths of Jack Daniel's that was coursing thru my systems when I turned my back on my Sister In Law. I get smacked eather way and things do Blow up in My face if I am not carefull at all times. Even when I do tell the truth on things it seems like I can handle it better if I do get told to screw off for telling the truth on things. I am sorry if anyone of my kids said to me I need 200 dollars for the baby guess what I will go hungery and thursty for the baby. Screw my own needs out of life at this point in time. Who else would do that for a child anyway in todays world. I take care of myown eather way and will always be that way. Just becuase some mothers feel threatened by the new wife at all times just bites now days. I am like my Momma give an opinion and drop it altogeather and let it play out. At least I was taught well growing up and that is why I have not said much over the years. Once I got tired of my Husband getting treated like Crap over the past 17 years here I will take a stand and don't give a Shit anymore.

Things are still blowing up

Well I tried to contact someone and got shot down. Well at least I left a phone number and went from there the ball is still in her court. I want to make sure that the rumors were right and I guess I will never know now. I haven't said much since I have met my step-daughter at all. Or maybe the fear factor is there of what I might say all togeather of the truth and the blunt truth on things that has happened in the past 16 years. Well all I can say is that it was a rotten deal from the start and knowing what goes on in a broken home. Maybe also when I start haveing children of my own some will start realizeing what they have missed also. I knew my older siblings better than the 2 younger ones. That is what I don't want to have happen to others that are around. Other than that I can care less on what happends from there out. Pluss I do not know what was said on the girls real mothers end also. So now I am really wanting to find out what was said without knowing me all togeather also. I just hope it was all lies that in what was said about me. Yes my attatude bites every so offten and I expect that. I have always been blunt and to the point and I will not change that for nobody. Yes there for about 4 years I diden't have a backbone and lost my way. Once I started realizeing that I don't have to eat "Shit" from anyone once again alot of things changed back to normal. I have became even more blunt and truthfull on things and I just don't give a Damn anymore on who I hurt. When I found my back bone and came up swinging alot of people diden't like it and I knew right then on who were true friends of mine. SO now that I am still swinging maybe that scares alot of folks also. I think it is funny myself and that is me. Also that is part of the problem here in NY State that people are so use to lieing thier toushes off that when they run into someone that won't lie they all run scared. At this point if I let anything affect me then I am down once again and I refuse to let that happen. It also makes me fighting mad that I have reached out my hand to someone that doesen't want squat to do with me now after I treated her well and just diden't care what others thought. Granted I am married to her father. It would be nice for her to say hey I am alive and kicking and oh by the way if she was pregnant. At this point I will start makeing sauce and if she wants it get over here and get it then tell me to go pound salt and I want nothing to do with ya after. Well if I went one way to get to some place I would run passed where she was at. I noticed that the place was up for sale and I figured since the Child Support diden't cover the total house payment becuase the support ran out. Well I did hear thru the grapevine that there was a divorce going on and said oh well. I can't get blamed for takeing away someone at all even before that date. Becuase I was already married with the First Husband when I ran into my now Husband over 20 years ago. Well I have been here in NY State for almost 17 years in May here. I was divorced for 2 years when I ran into my now Husband of 16 years.