Well finally figured out of why

A family fued has been going on for at least 150 years if not less or longer and I realized why now. It will be going on for the next 300 years if I have my way around here. Now my children will never know thier half sister PERIOD after this point. They will know about her but, to know her never while I am alive never. Italian families and being burnt from another family that had squat to do with it in the first place theres another battle that will be fought. I will be the first to admit that I do not trust many folks anyway that are near me or close to my Husband. I have never complained about squat about his friends at all in the past 16 years or so at all. Well the wrong advice gets people into trouble all of the time and this time I am in the right. Now I have always said that some folks have to step up to the plate eather way in life and my Step Daughter has no choice at this time. Since it was part of my job to break into e-mail accounts and computers for a living at some point in time for a job. Pluss her moms side of the family has been fueding with my dads side for over 100 years now I know why and how and I will stick by my decission on things untill some step up to the plate and I refuse to get battered with my own arm for reaching out any more I am done with it all. I have erased the email and refuse to get it back at all costs to my one self worth and knowing that I would get blamed for more than what the trouble of everything is. I did my part and will never ever know my grand babies from a person that I love and will always love and that is her own loss in life now. At least I do not have to explain Mom who do I look like altogeather and the hatred that comes with it once the child hits 18 years of age and figures his own Mother and her Mother are full of crap also. I will be sticking to my foot planted for the next 100-300 years weather folks like it or not. Oh well Life Death and Taxes with family fueds gotta love it.

Well I just do not like last minute

This is the last time I do things at the last minute for anyone. You can't call me at least a week in advance then I can't take ya to the airport then I am busy. Well we both over slept in my place and my Husband went to get them. And the last advice from the couple that I ended up getting I knew where I stood. Now with me saying this about what happened with acouple of emails back and fourth to an ungratefull girl I still refuse to say what it all said and the girl needs to step up to the plate for a change not me. I say this then this way I am not blamed for breaking into her email account and a few other things. What I have done with computers I can easily break into accounts and a few other things. I WILL NOT GO TO PRISON FOR ANYONE BUT, ME MYSELF AND I. With the other advice that I did get about it out of 10 others they are saying that I was in the right for standing my ground on the situation pluss now others have to step up to the plate for a change. At this point in time when I totally walked away from the crap that has been going on for years back in 2003 I got told that I need to start walking from what someone said about me and of all places it happened in a Church. I refuse to lie about what I did at all and there was nothing that I did to warant the keep walking for my own safty also becuase, I refuse to be scared of anyone here in NY State. Maybe becuase I have had the shotgun in my mouth and someone tried to blow my head off at 15 years of age also. I have always thought about the Girl and that was about it over the past 7 years. Now I will keep wandering IF my Grandbaby is safe and has no worries going on. I will admit I did erase the E-mail that was sent to me and I am greatfull that I did. I will always be blunt about things that are going down and up and I will stand my ground on this one becuase, some things are better said in person. I am saying this becuase I have always steped up to the plate on things and will keep it up weather people like it or not. If I diden't do it then I would have aton of regreats out of my life. Pluss if I told the girl what has happened to me thru my life I would make her toes curl up and hair go straight then make her life look like it was on a bed of roses along with her Mothers life.

Well I got told

Well at this point in time I am still sticking to my guns on alot of things around here. I have been going really cheap around here anyway even with the plucked chicken being here. Pluss I tried to get something off my chest and that blew up in my face also. All I could do was shake my head and go from there. Well I have also figured out that I will always be wrong in what I do and say eather way while I am up here in NY State. My question is when did the Children become lazy and can't stand up for them selves most of the time. Or maybe becuase I am such a scrapper that I have to wander about alot of things in todays world. Anyway at least I spoke my mind and I just don't care anymore. I will still think of some people and knowing what is about ready to come all I have to do is hold my cards knowing that I was in the right for standing my ground around here. Pluss knowing of what was said to a child and all the lies also. I finally told someone of why I walked away also years ago and what was said. It just wasen't worth proveing awhole lot of folks wrong in what was said about me at all pluss there were alot of other factors that came into play while I was at it all at the time. When I can sit here and say that I would do nothing differant than what I have done while I was and still am up here I am ok with myself on alot of things that were done and said and still being said. I will admit that there are times were I am very blunt and I will not change that part of me at all. Maybe some see that as a fault, I am looking at it is a good thing. I am not perfect by any means and show me someone who is perfect and has no faults of thier own. This is why I do not throw stones at all untill I look at myself first and work on myself. Pluss I plot out what I do and say. Sometimes I have to be harsh and blunt at the same time and then when I do that I stick to my guns at all times.

Well now I know why

After about 2 weeks now I kow why I feel in how I feel about my step daughters side of the family. After talking with my family members and why some havent got along within 150 years of life I don't wander any more now. It diden't click in what some said untill today. Well after my Husbands ex told me first thing when we met that he would cheat on me first chance he got, I looked at her and said well guess what the .45 and the cast iron out won in everything. Well the Italian side of the family got thrown under the bus if that means anything and the blunt side came out PERIOD in the mix. Well I do not see the girl haveing the "Balls" to step up to the plate at all if 2 weeks ago if any time at all. Ayla has screwed herself majorly with me. I have steped out with her and her father at this point and I can still fight for Grandparents rights here in NY State. That is what this girl doesen't realize at all so can her father at this point. If that comes totally down to it trust me I will fight for my grandbaby period and screw everyone else on the list in who said to show the E-Mail to my husband last week. Yes I came up swinging and guess what people are about ready to get cornered eather way. I am not ready to strike on it yet. Stressing YET. When Parents who are eather are not married or have been divorced You Have TO Worry About What The Other Says. I put up with the B.S. for over 30 years with some folks. My Step Daughter had no other side to listen to except the SUPPOSAD WOMAN WHO TOLD HER WHAT SUPPOSADLY HAPPENED. The Mother got caught cheating on her ex husband with another guy about 5 years ago and that is about in how old my grandson is. Well with one thing don't take it out on me in what the other said when I could have moved 10 years ago out of the tin can. Left no Numbers and no forwarding address at all.

Got the feeling

Well some folks never learn I have came to that point in life. After being burnt for reaching out my hand over the past 2 weeks to someone it is about damn time she started stepping up to the damn plate in life. That is even if she called. At least 2 people Damned me for what I have done and I just don't give a rats behind anymore. I won't have the regrets that some will in life also. I have no conscience left anyway and like it like that. All I have left is part of a heart and even that sometimes takes a hike on me. I have came up swinging and told the truth about things that needed to be said in life and was very blunt about it. If I took everything out on my parents that need to be I would blow both of them out of the dang water around here in what the Hell went on when I was growing up. There are things that would make peoples toes just curl up and they would start throwing up also over what happened. Even my own Husband doesen't know what went on along with the woman who raised me for part of the time. After 26 years I finally told here what went on with parts of the other side of the family and why I refused to go back after 10 years of age unless my father was there. I always knew I was the Black Sheep out of one side anyway. This is why I took dance lessons for years also. There are parts that I will never tell anyway.

Well too bad for some still

The 2nd batch of cookies went in the oven just before I sat down again. Now to start in on the bread and pies around here. To bad my Step Daughter Ayla is not going to be here with her son again this year over Petty Bull Shit once again. Oh well at least I will not be left out for the hollidays at all. I have been asked to hit up 6 differant places and 5 of them are in Illinois once again. Well like my family hasent been fudged up for hundreds of years anyway and which side of the family. As my Great Grandmother use to say all of the time in 100 years it ain't gonna matter anyway. I know for myself some folks get rehashed in the world just in differant families or the same one. Well this Cow Bell has stopped as of now for all the crap that went on and trying to hold togeather a family. Now it is Me time after almost of 30 years of takeing care of others and screw the rest of the things that will go on. Some will never know thier half sibillings if I have my way and afew other things. I am 35 and will be 36 here shortly and I can have children up untill 60. So I will be out for me after all of these years and make people think twice before saying before they think to me. Down the road it will happen and I know it will not be right away. THe huge wheel in the sky will slap someone and they will get thiers.

SItting here takeing a break

Well if you read my other blog at all I work for 15 min and sit for about 15 min at a time. One batch of cookies are still firming up in the fridge so I can work with them. Also I have to make other cookies while I am at it all. I have figured out that some people are more like other family members than they all think they are. I am the same way. Get me Pissed Off and I cook even better around here. To bad some will not get dinner out of my place at all from now on. My grandbaby will but, his mother is on her own from now on with myself cooking for her. That is if I get to see the child. Seems that I was right on the money anyway in what I told the girl. Sometimes people need to grow some Balls and step up to the plate for everything in life. And my Niece was right along with my Mom(3rd mom eather way) it is my step daughters loss on knowing everyone includeing myself and others. As I was always told it takes a Village to raise a child and I sure for Hell's tried eather way. And the saying is true also. Just like stepping up to the plate for some things in life. It also goes along with knowing the real world out there also and what goes on for real life. I can still remember standing in the middle of the one grocery store chain here in NY about 13 years ago and the childs so called Mother telling me why bother with coupons for groceries also untill she seen my Bill which was a quarter of hers for the month. The person shopped weekly. So that put the child support at about 100 dollars a week for the child that her mother denied getting untill she turned 17. So I will be counting my Blessings and a few other things then smack some with grand parents rights when the time comes.

Well I wasen't to blunt after all

Well I will admit that I drink, smoke, and swear at all times. I am also saveing money for shrink bills that I do not need at all. I will also admit that at least 5 sides of the family members are world wide disasters on top of it all. Makes most famillies look normal and they are nation wide disasters in my book. I was very blunt and to the point and diden't care yesterday with my step daughter. And yet I have held back on the brute bluntness on alot of things. I will stick to my guns on this one that she needs to tell her father in person and not me this time I refuse to Make her life easy after holding my tounge for dang near 16 years PERIOD. I was on my own since I was 16 years of age and married and I hope that she did not go thru even a portion of what I did growing up. At least she diden't get beat to Hell from her first husband and the 2nd knows better after I smacked him with the ash trays here in the can. I do not put up with piddly B.S. anymore in my life I do not have time for the crap at all. And I do not have time for children being thrown up in my face niether becuase of a parents stupidity in life and what she learned from her "Mommy" growing up. I am a product of a one night stand and a divorce at the same time if that makes since. There are 7 of us kids and all B.S. aside we will stick togeather becuase blood is thicker than water will ever be. After yesterday I am fighting mad and a ungreatfull Brat of my new husbands child should thank some lucky stars I diden't go on the hunt for some folks and go from there. Trust me I came up swinging and then some around here and told my Husband that now it is all about me, and Fuck everyone else in the world. It is not going to be my loss that this child is gonna miss out on younger siblings at all and to get to know the real me around here. She will be lucky if I let her see anyone out of the one side of the family for treating me like Crap on the bottom of her shoe for not stepping up to the plate like she should have done years ago and takeing the first step in life except for me doing for her. I will be one of those folks who goes dirt flipping cheap around here to get out to the can after this long and I do not care what my Husband has to say about it at all at this point in time. Untill the ungreatefull brat comes crawling back and appologizes to me and her father for not seeing the truth way back when and why some of us have bowed out of her life with the paper work that she will see also that her own mother denied her father of visitations all of the time while she was growing up. I look at it like this that nobody is hurting me over the fact I am only sticking up for the person that I am married to in life.